Can you hear your thoughts?

I can hear my inner thoughts.  My mind is trying to fall into depression again because I had a relapse of emotions I had stored inside me.  I sound like a drug addict. I’m trying so hard to be optimistic and keep going but when your gas company comes and shuts off your gas because you didn’t have money to pay last months bill, it’s very difficult to see the bright side of things. I have kids that depend on me and I can’t even provide them a warm shower.

Due to his decisions of not being a man to support his family financially, all of us have to pay. I bring in my share of income which is a half of our entire income but when he became lazy and didn’t want to go back to work, his lack of income hurt us financially. We are behind our rent. We just had one of cars repossessed last month. This is almost rock bottom. Rock bottom is death.

My mind is trying to convince me that the only way out of this mess is killing myself. I try not to listen to my inner thoughts because it’s not fair for my kids. Yes, they will somewhat financially stable because I do have a good life insurance but what’s if I don’t die. I will cause pain to my family but sometimes sacrifices have to be done.

I’m trying to better myself so hopefully I can earn more money but everything takes time. Please don’t judge my inner thoughts, I can’t control what I feel.

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