Words are Powerful!

I had an ugly argument with my husband via text. He was at work and I was home. I told him that I will no longer tell him how I feel because it makes our situation worse. Ironically people say, the truth will set you free. Not in my situation, the truth hurt him and he was not capable of digesting my feelings.

I had asked him many times that I want to file divorce and he would just ignore me. He thought I was going through a phase and that I would change my mind. It took me almost two years to make this decision, he didn’t want to accept my request.

I lived with many step dad’s so I wanted to keep a healthy relationship with him because I wanted him to be around his kids.  Now, I see why Angelina and Brad Pitt had to end their relationship so ugly.  Sometimes you must just pull the trigger because it’s unhealthy for the kids to be in this type of toxis environment.

About a half an hour later, I get a call from him that he doesn’t feel well. I ignored him because I was mad.  I call this behavior a “tantrum”. He wants my attention any way he can get it and I had enough. An hour later, I begin to receive phone calls from weird numbers. I do not answer my phone anymore because we were getting bombarded with collection calls.

I finally get a text from his phone saying that they are trying to reach me because my husband had a medical emergency.  I called back and the coworker answers and explains that my husband was having difficulty breathing and they had to call 911.  I sounded cold, I knew this was not a real emergency, he gave himself an anxiety attack because I was ignoring him. I told coworker that I will meet him in the hospital.

On my way there, I couldn’t believe what he had done.  I felt no empathy for him, I knew for a fact that he wasn’t having a heart attack but again I had to keep my emotions inside to avoid this situation from getting worse. I needed to show support and just be there with him. This is a very difficult day for me because I needed to fake it in order to make it.  I realized that words are so powerful that they can hurt someone so much that they break down physically.  Lesson learned, don’t be too honest in life because some people are not capable of handling the truth.

 

photo credit: http://youthvoices.net/discussion/words-are-powerful

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The Now

7E5F9784-9D05-4095-8778-1DE49E85831BEvery day I wake up and I give myself a pep talk. You got this. You can’t cry because that will not make situation better. I talk to myself a lot because I’m the only person who understands me.

I’ve been going through a tough marriage for a couple of years now and I finally decided that I will no longer make any dramatic change in my relationship status it’s not going to make my situation better.

He loves me unconditionally but I’m too hurt to love anyone at this time. I’m a big advocate of not letting a man take advantage of woman, and here I am, doing nothing about my relationship. I feel like I have to put my feelings aside and make the best out of my situation. I know there are other woman like me out there because I’ve spoken to them.  We are all afraid of the unknown.

I decided to do something about improving myself. I’m going back to school to pursue my dreams.  I’m taking this one step at a time. School has always been my passion but I neglected because again of my relationship.

I married someone very possessive and he didn’t support me to improve myself.  He likes to control every move and who I interact with. He fears losing me therefore he thought that if he could keep me in this bubble, I would never wake up. When you are young, you think that’s love. Eventually you mature and realize that is not life. Life is too short and no one should ever control you that way.

I lost many friends and I pushed my own family away because I thought it was better.  I’m slowly getting close to my mom and creating new friendships.  These are relationships that I needed to help me get through this part of my life. Let’s all live in the NOW!

 

photo credit: http://www.sharesunday.com/item/8349/i-never-look-back-darling-it-distracts-from-the-now-edna-mode-the-incredibles